I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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