babies were throwing up all over the place
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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