dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
