I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
