Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I am one with the molecules
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
please don't ironically join a cult
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