i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
