i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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