I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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