That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
