we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
