i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize