also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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