# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
