dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Randomize
