i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
