So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
