just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
