I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
