There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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