Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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