where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
