nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Apparently you make a good broom.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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