Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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