Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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