were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You are the jesus of drinking
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
