Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize