yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
