Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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