So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize