I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Shame - the story of my life.
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