im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
