can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
