I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
