how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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