what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
being pregnant is like rehab
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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