Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
