Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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