Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
