Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
