I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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