My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
