my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
