He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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