We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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