I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
