i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
