OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
