Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
