I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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