It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
