Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
