He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
