he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i just google imaged poop.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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