Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
