You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
