She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
