is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
