I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We named our party play list daddy issues
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize