This is not my ceiling
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
