i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize