My first STD was from a foam party
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
