i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just come out here and I will go home with you...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
