im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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