Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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