he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
