i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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