So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
