Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
