I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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