he shaved USA in his pubs
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize