look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
