This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
