You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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