wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize