Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
