dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
