Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
