i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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