I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
