I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
