New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
