When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
