Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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