We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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